| | Mom went see the doctor yesterday again... They are suspecting her memory loss was caused by me leaving Hong Kong.... Probably cos she feels too bad about me not being around and she doesn't feel motivated to do or remember anything anymore... I felt very very guilty when my sister told me that... That was really the last thing I would want to hear... Last night I kept thinking if I chose a wrong path for my life all along... I told my sister the same thing online last night. Part of her response was, "Many things are destined to be that way... If you didn't worship Western stuff when you were young, you wouldn't be that good in English". (Now I kinda remember she and my cousins always call me traitor or something... Such mean kids...)
I remember mom was pissed at me for a whole month after I told her I went to St. Louis to meet a guy I met online... She probably foresaw that I could be leaving her forever.. To be honest, I would never have done the same thing if it happened again. I don't even know how I managed to visit a stranger in the first place.. Pretty brave of me I guess, and stupid probably:) I guess there was some luck in me to have met Sean instead of some violant rapist/murderer type guy. I would say I am happy at this stage. I finally get to be with the guy I've been dating long distance for more than 5 years (It's our 7-year dating anniversary next Friday!!! Don't feel the 7-year itch yet:)). That kinda implies I didn't move to St. Louis by impulse, right? Work isn't as stressful here as in Hong Kong, neither is life, as there is really not much to do here... My acne finally clears up too, with the help of some US product and the less humid weather here in St. Louis (even tho it's still pretty humid here most of the time, it's not as bad as in Hong Kong). So overall I'm happy. I just wish that my way of accomplishing happiness never hurt my parents so bad.. I never thought it would. I just assumed everyone would get over this kind of stuff eventually... I'm so selfish...
My ultimate happiness would be moving back to Hong Kong with Sean eventually so I can be closer to my parents and siblings, since they probably won't have a good time living in St. Louis forever... Can that be accomplished??
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| | Posted 7/4/2007 3:43 PM - 31 Views - 6 eProps - 5 comments
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